This page is going to be a rollercoaster of emotion for me. It may have a similar effect on some of you. First, I am in a wonderful, nurturing, amazing relationship now. My husband is the most supportive and incredible man. I honestly couldn't ask for more from him. Well, shoes. I could always ask for shoes lol but you know what I mean. 

 

Unfortunately, while he is the last man in my life, something I can say with the utmost certainty, he was not the first man. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 11 years. As they tend to do, it ended much worse than it began but it certainly didn't begin well, either. It feels like a bad dream but it's so real I'm tearing up even writing this. The woman I have become, whether viewed in a positive light or not, is a product of those scars, that emotion, and the former fight or flight existance I called my "love life" for so long. I have more scars than Edward Scissor Hands and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have some PTSD flashback. It might just be the sound of something dropping on the floor at the grocery store, or a man yelling down the street at a friend (not even angrily), or seeing a particular vehicle on the road. The pain and fear of it all comes flooding back in. That moment, that very real, all too familiar cloak of fear reminds me that these are memories, not dreams. It happened and while it'll likely always be with me, it's over.

 

I know many of you have had similar experiences. I've already received an outpour of messages in response to my intro video. I had no idea that I was going to get such a reaction. I guess I wanted to believe that it was just my experience and wasn't as rampant as it apparently is, that I was a drop in the bucket, a deviation from the norm. My heart truly goes out to all of you that can relate. 

That being said, I have no intention of lambasting my abuser. That's not the point of this page. I'm not here to gloat about how amazing my husband is, either. Though maybe he would like me to lol. Instead, this page is about you. This page is about your experience. ALL of YOUR experiences. It's a page where those of us with similar wounds can go to share our stories, get the word out there, support each other, and hopefully help one another to get the courage up to taking the first step to freedom, to a life you truly deserve, whether you believe it now or not. I can tell you, standing over here on this side of the "bridge," I can't even begin to wrap my mind around why it took me so long to cross it, to take that first step. Honestly, for many years, I didn't even see there was a bridge. 

Anyway, as you can see, this page is still under construction, as is the whole site. I will be working on it diligently but I do have a full time externship, I'm a step mama, I have fur babies, and an all around very busy life, so, please bear with me. I have added the comments widget below so please, PLEASE feel free to use it, share, express, vent, and hopefully start the healing process. If you would prefer to send a private message, you can message me just below or from my contact page. I will write you back AS SOON AS life lets me. I try to respond to at least a handful of people every day. There's just only so many hours in a day. 

Thank you all again for your support, your encouragement, and courage in sharing your stories. I appreciate you all!

 

Tanya

 

       XOXO! 

If you would prefer to private message me, when you feel comfortable, I'm all ears.

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