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I honestly have no idea how to begin this post, so I'm just going to begin. One of our long term, OG, die-hard fawns that we have grown to love so much over the last year and a half or so, disappeared completely about 10 months ago. Tanya was worried about her just a few days in to her absence. When I say die-hard fawn, I mean DIE-HARD fawn. She commented so much, you couldn't help but notice her absence. I would say, "I even noticed," but I notice a lot of things like that too, so that doesn't really do it justice. Tanya notices everything, especially when she cares about the topic. The point is, her absence was blatant.

Now, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. You guys have lives, things come up, chaos ensues, etc. - you know the drill. But she notices when you guys disappear. Usually, she'll say something to me about it, a couple days will pass, and no sooner than mentions it again, the fawn is back and commenting. Sometimes with an explanation, other times like nothing happened. My point is, there is nothing SHOCKING about down time, and just to be clear, there is NO OFFENSE TAKEN at all when you guys take time off from the channel. I hope that is a "duh," but just in case, that is not the point here. I bring up the frequency of this occurrence for one reason, to highlight that this instance was different, and it was different immediately, and Tanya knew it.

Many of you, regrettably, suffer from health concerns, some similarly in severity to Tanya's daily struggles, but some of you have it much much worse. This particular fawn was one of those. Her health struggles, background, and love of makeup were some of the similarities Tanya shared with her, but their bond was bigger than that. It was hard to put a finger on why per se, but it was a feeling, and as you all know, Tanya isn't big on messaging due to her RA and busy schedule, but they always found a way to maintain contact. Even if weeks went by between communications. Like with many of you, their relationship started in the comments, and while always beautiful, blossomed into something very special to her.

About three weeks ago, we were driving back home from a day out and Tanya looks at me and says, "Babe, something bad happened to __________. I know it. It's been way too long, but it's not just that. Something happened. I don't know if it was a car accident or if it was her health, but I know it." Naturally, I responded practically with things like "I hope you're wrong. I mean, the odds of it being that aren't great, babe. She likely x, y, or even z. I'm sure she'll be back, and maybe she'll have some crazy story like so-and-so did." That kind of thing. Arguably, typical guy response. I mean, statistically, I was right, but Tanya knew better.

I don't know if you guys know this about her, but she was supposed to be a twin. She lost her sister in utero. Tanya has always had a connection to the "other side," the quantum/energy world. I don't know what you want to call it, but I'm sure you get the point. She gets hit with things like that too often. Not daily or anything, but often enough. The "joke" is that her twin is talking to her, like a cosmic snitch. But all joking aside, and while it's typically the case, I'm truly saddened to say that this time, she was absolutely right.

Tanya received a message from this fawn's sister. Tanya didn't know the screen name or even the fawn's sister's real name, and she didn't say specifically whose sister she was. I'm sure that was just an oversight while composing what I can only imagine was an impossibly traumatic message for her. Tanya was only in about two sentences and as soon as she realized the nature of the message, she knew immediately who she was talking about. Tanya crumbled. I honestly can't relay just how special this person was, how tragic the facts surrounding the nature of her departure are, and how devastating this is for Tanya, and to be honest, me. I don't have the pleasure of knowing as many of you as Tanya does, or as well as Tanya does. Her insanely advanced memory aside, I don't have the time to get to hang out with you guys as much as I'd like. I read everything, but it's the conversations that foster that special bond, you know? My point is that this fawn was one of those you couldn't help but get to know and love pretty early on. Just typing this up now has me choked up.

It's going to take Tanya some time here to pick herself back up. For those of you that have gotten to know her over the years she's been on YouTube, you know how deeply she loves. I mean, just look how much she loves brands like Natasha Denona and Pat McGrath! You can imagine how much that love carries over to non-inanimate objects, you guys. At this point, we don't know how much time it's going to take her to recover from this news, but I will do my best to keep you posted.

If you are seeing this blog post, it is possible you missed the other one that went up today with the videos she posted from the last two weeks. If you were unaware of those videos, you do have some stuff to watch in the meantime. While not the point of this post at all, and I can't stress that enough, I hope this highlights just how much you guys mean to her (and US). She is truly a wreck right now and we both regret DEARLY losing the chance to meet her. It was ALWAYS on the agenda. I mean a REAL goal of ours one day. This isn't about us, though ignoring the wake of this tragedy isn't the answer either, but having that opportunity ripped from our ours is a lot to swallow right now. Even knowing the personality from the comments section that we loved so much is now gone forever is a lot in its own right. There's just so much to process here. There are a lot of nuances to this I haven't mentioned out of respect for not only the person and her family, but the respect for the bond itself. It was theirs and I would like to keep it that way.

Because you all are so wonderful, I know there will be an avalanche of thoughts and prayers, and I just want to thank you in advance for all of them. They mean a lot. YOU mean a lot. Thank you. And in closing, I would just like to say, you really never know if you're ever going to see the people you love again. While statistically unlikely, and thank GOD for that, the fact remains, you truly never know what's going to happen. As hindsight is twenty-twenty here, I urge you, as we have lost our chance forever, take the time to tell those you love just how special they are and how much you love them. Tell them often, show them often, and take the time to spend time with them. At the end of the day, that's what matters. We love you guys. Be safe out there.

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