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  • Writer's pictureKurt

Pandora's Box. Yes, I opened it, and I'm not backing down.

As many of you know, this site went public only three days ago. Since then, I have had the pleasure of speaking with women all over the world, including from my home town, Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada. I have had the pleasure of “meeting” some awesome new people, having some great laughs over tried and failed beauty techniques, and, unfortunately, hearing some heart breaking stories ranging from topics of failed plastic surgeries, physical disfigurements, and domestic abuse. As much as the stories these broken women have summoned the courage to share with me are devastating to even hear, this is exactly what I wanted my website to be, a place to share everything. Sure, some of that is beauty tips and fitness routines, for sure. The part that I’ve received the most feedback on, however, is on the topic that strikes at the very core of a person’s foundation, domestic abuse. It challenges the basic human need for security, safety, and love.

While I know it’s never a very good idea to speak in absolutes, I can say with confidence that everyone wants to be loved. I will even say, everyone deserves to be loved. Most of those out in the world that are not loving others, that are abusing others, are people who have missed out on very much needed love themselves at some point in their lives. They are victims themselves that are stuck in a cycle and repeating a witnessed behavior. Unfortunately, though, that cycle has a lot of collateral damage and, as tragic as it is that they were denied a love that they so desperately needed, that does not negate the fact that their current actions are destroying lives.

I have said on video and in writing that I was a victim of domestic abuse. I discussed the symptoms that I suffer from still to this day as a result of that abuse. I thought I made it clear that my goal in telling my story is to help those going through the same thing, to support those that are recovering from it, and to hopefully be influential enough to stop it from happening to others all together. I suppose I should say, “I thought I made it clear,” because it appears that I did not.

I have received some nasty messages from those that were, and are, friends of my ex-husband’s. To be honest, I expected it. I, however, didn’t think it would happen in only 3 days, and before any specifics were mentioned. I guess I should have known better. Anyone who has been a victim of domestic abuse and started the road to recovery has probably learned about just how much the victim gets blamed. Here is a great article on that very topic here.

In fact, there are lots of misconceptions about domestic abuse. Here is another great article discussing them.

I don’t know. I guess I’m disappointed. I’m honestly hurt. I don’t have very thick skin. It’s something I hate about myself. It’s also something that hours of therapy has shown me contributed to me staying with him so long. I even went toe to toe with my parents over it. They didn’t want me to marry him as they had witnessed so much of the abuse themselves as we had lived with them under the same roof for about seven years. I made excuses for him to my parents in an attempt to justify his actions. I didn’t just say them, I believed them. I’m apparently a stereotypical, textbook victim. For those of you that know me, I hate being stereotypical anything but it looks like I am.

When I finally had the courage to leave him, when I finally smartened up, it became public very quickly. People came out of the woodwork saying that they saw it coming a mile away. They never thought I should have married him but didn’t know how to say it. I’m sure that if they had, I would have done the very same thing I did when my parents said it to me, made up excuses and stayed anyway.

I’m currently externing here in the United States wrapping up my final term of law school. I am working with a firm that is representing three young girls, all from different backgrounds, that have been victims of sexual assaults. In every single case, the girls have been publicly excoriated for coming forward, and two of them even received death threats.

Victim bashing is such a problem all over the world that there are two documentaries on just college sexual assaults in the United States. That doesn’t get into the infinite number of other settings that domestic abuse and sexual abuse occur in every single day. You can check them both out here and here.

I honestly, and I sincerely in my heart of hearts mean that, don’t care in the slightest little bit to convince anyone that thinks I’m lying about what happened. Everyone that thinks I’m a liar never has to visit this page, my YouTube channel, or any other form of social media that I am a part of. My ex can even file a law suit if he feels so strongly that I’m defaming his “good character.” This happened. It happens to people, not just women, all over the world every single day. It needs to end. It needs awareness. I have a story and I’m telling it.

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